31MoviesIn31Days: Movies 16-20

31 MOVIES IN 31 DAYS 

I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna make it, I'm gonna....I'm gonna, I'm not gonna make it, who am I kidding??? Just like before, rather than post a blurb/review for each film I am going to do these in sets of 5 or so(maybe). That will give you something lengthy to read each time and allow me the inevitable chore of getting behind.

#16 Circle (2015)

 From the same guys that brought you Cube and The Vault(Aaron Hann and Mario Miscione) we have a film that on the surface doesn't really seem like much but actually caught me by surprise. The theme here is 50 strangers are trapped in a single room and have to decide who lives and who dies. Initially, something is just killing people every 90 seconds or so and no one knows why, once they realise that they are the ones controlling the killings is where this one gets fun. Alliances are formed and rationales and prejudices essentially place each person on the chopping block. I'm not going to give away too much here because this is the kind of film that is nothing without the suspense and eventual ending. This film was highly recommended and definitely worth a viewing and eventhough I was a little put off by the ending, I found myself thinking about it days after, so I guess, it did it's job.

#17 WolfCop (2014)

Hooooooooooo-leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-it! WolfCop exceeded all expectations, which were pretty huge for a movie called WolfCop. It doesn't take a genius to figure out the plot here but this movie hits all the right spots. DrunkCop by Day and WolfCop by night, Lou Garou is the perfect bumbling cop but soon realizes that most of the bloody messes that are being made in his town are his doing after a couple liters of bourbon and some "Liquor Donuts"(probably the best fictitious establishment in any movie ever. I'm using a lot of hyperbole here and it is all well placed. This is another newer film that knows exactly what it is and exactly what it's got. A few amazing things about this movie are all the inside jokes. (I found most of these courtesy of IMDB: The main character's name, Lou Garou, is also the name of the werewolf located near the swamps in French folklore. Lougarou (also called Rougarou) is a common mythical creature in French Louisiana folktales. The label on all the whisky bottles actually say Jim Dandie's Old no. 2 Kentucky Whiskey, a shout out to Jack Daniels for some reason. There's a scene in front of an auto body repair shop called "Stiles Autobody". Stiles was Scott Howard's best friend in "Teen Wolf".

This hit me right where I needed to be hit, I am a huge fan of creature flicks and more specifically creature flicks with a sense of humor. The highlights in this were, of course, the transformation scenes, including at one point a giant inflating penis that eventually explodes into a bloody mess! AMAZING! There is also a pretty sexy and hilarious love making scene that you have to see to believe, not to mention countless one liners that were just killing me throughout the whole movie. Bring on WOLFCOP 2! Now!

#18 Return of The Evil Dead (1973)

Also known as Return of the Blind Dead.
 I came across this great movie while watching the ever amazing B-Movie TV Channel on Roku. Reading quick reviews about it, Nichole and I sleepily watched it and I loved it. Return of the Blind Dead has the reputation as one of the best horror films of the 70’s.
Five centuries ago, the Templars were captured by the local villagers. The Templars had their eyes burned out before being burned alive. Before dying, the leader of the Templars warned the villagers that they will one day get their revenge.
 This film takes place in  present day with the town prepping for a celebration of some sort. Jack is apparently the fireworks guy, he and the hottie in the film Vivian have a history between them that rekindles. There are countless scenes where Jack is about to get it on with Vivian and the dopey, "Hunchback of Notre Dame looking", Murdo interrupts to warn of the Templars, when all we really want to see is Vivian's "ancestors" under her shirt.
The next night, the townspeople are in the middle of their festivities. The Templars arise from their ruins. They invade the village and the people panic. The dopey mayor (Fernando Sanchez) and his men meet up with Jack and Vivian and some other people and they hide in a church(not creepy at all) and hold off the Templars. All they have to do is make it to morning, right? Well...that ain't happenin'!
 There are some excellent scenes of victims getting stabbed and slashed. The eye-burning scenes are pretty gnarly. While not as gory as Zombi or Return of th Living Dead, the use of suspense made up for it. The Templars themselves looked pretty great and were scary enough to keep me entertained.
 Unfortunately the scene where Vivian's boobies are set free is a pretty scuzzy semi-rape scene with one of the other guys (Frank?). This knuckle is is like, "hey there's only three or four of us left let me see if I can get some with the other guy's girl!" That ends up in his dumb death being impaled on a spear. Great job dumb-dick!
The end of the film was pretty ho-hum and obvious but paved way for the third film in the Blind Dead Trilogy and I'll report back on that one soon.

#19 Adjust Your Tracking (2013)

 Excellent documentary showing me what I may have become if I had become the person I wanted to be in high school. I have to admit I was a little envious of some of the dudes in this one. They all seem to be pretty in touch with the fact that what they are doing makes little to no sense but they just like doing it, so they do. Collecting VHS tapes isn't for everyone and some of these guys prove it. 

I was in sheer awe of some of the collections that these guys have and immediately began thinking back to what kinds of VHS I just recently got rid of. That Frankenhooker VHS with the talking case had to be worth something...

Noticeable in this film is the absence of females, was that a director's choice? or just the truth? A great watch nonetheless, showing what true passion looks like. My favorite character was probably the guy that decided to open a video store in his basement because his collection grew to be so large. I really appreciated how the store seem to be a time warp of sorts back to a better time, all the way down to the old Epson computer. That seems to sum up the motives of these guys very well, preservation. This documentary allowed me to see that the reason alot of these collectors are hoarding some of these VHS is out of the fear that some of the films they know are great, may never be seen again if VHS is terminated. I applaud their diligence!

#20 Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Stupid. "Hard Rock Zombies" is actually stupid-amazing, if that was a word. Before I go to far you need to know that I really have strange taste in movies and never really considered that until I thought back about some of these posts, the films in them and my wife's reaction to the things I love. At this point, if you are keeping up with my posts you already knew this but when I say "Hard Rock Zombies" is stupid-amazing, I mean it!!  Yes, there may be something wrong with me, but I love bad movies. The more times you see the crew in the shot the better. Meaning that, as far as terrible films go, this would get 5 stars across the board. Seriously, here's what we've got: Nazi Midgets, Awful Hair Metal Wannabes, Octogenarian Sex, Pedophilia, Atrocious dialogue, Special effects?! Yeah!
I watched in complete awe for 90 minutes as this masterpiece flew by. I immediately to watch it again but there's just no time. If you are a fan of ridiculous cinema, like me, you have got to own this. The sound is muddy, the music is fucking awful and at times it's impossible to understand the dialogue. It's everything that Sharknado or Grindhouse wants to be but just doesn't have... this is the real thing.I'm only ashamed that I didn't get to go into the movie store and pick out the VHS myself, that would've completed the entire experience.

31Moviesin31Days: Movies 11-15

31 MOVIES IN 31 DAYS 

I feel the end of the month creeping up. I am running out days and need to trudge on, full steam aheead!!! Just like before, rather than post a blurb/review for each film I am going to do these in sets of 5 or so. That will give you something lengthy to read each time and allow me the inevitable chore of getting behind.

#11 Hellraiser(1987)

I started off my weekend in the most bright and sunny way possible, the original Hellraiser. Being a true head, I have, OF COURSE, seen Hellraiser but my wife had not and I knew she NEEEEEEDED to see it. Since I hadnt seen it in a few years I thought this to be the perfect arena to include it in. The classic holds up of course with all the goods, guts and glory that I remembered. I still got goosebumps when Pinhead uttered his famous line "JESUS WEPT". While this is not my favorite of the Hellraiser franchise(II and III hold far much more value and tons more Cenobite action) it is still the most memorable and the one that started it all. I don't need to recommend it because you are already ashamed of yourself if you haven't seen it, so we will just leave it there. Stay tuned later for another Hellraiser film, that one....uhhh. not. soooo. guuuuuud.

#12 Zombeavers(2014)

Holy moley, I had been wanting to watch Zombeavers ever since I heard about it and this movie did not disappoint. I love b-movie films that know what they are without going too stupid on it. Zombeavers is a great mixture of gore, comedy, suspense, and dumb. The story goes: three girls are trying to get away from their dumbfuck boyfriends at a cabin by the lake. They do so by stripping down and swimming in a filthy lake that we previously saw contaminated by a texting nuclear waste delivery man( yay! Bill Burr!!!) The tits come out and we have a party. Then the dumbfuck boyfriends show up, I have never wanted to see three dudes get chewed up by zombie beavers so bad in my life. Great actor portray;s on the actors parts. One kid that gets his leg chewed off, infuriated me just by looking at his dumb face. UGH! This was an interesting take on the nuclear aided monster flick and even included some excellent and humorous lines. We thought it was an interesting choice to have the "slutty character" not be the first to die. That's a change of pace and actually considering she may have been the best actress, probably necessary.

The high point on this film for me were the changeling scenes when a few of the characters start to morph into zombeavers themselves. AWESOME!!! I highly recommend this to the Sharknado crowd, way better bang for your buck and not nearly as annoying. "Filthy, hairy beavers..." Smyth (Rex Linn) is one of the best characters in the film. So many classic lines from that dude!

#13 Monster Squad(1987)

Fred Dekker director of Night of the Creeps gives us another great showing with The Monster Squad. This film is family fun, pretty entertaining too but it's not so cheesy that an adult wouldn't be able to enjoy on their own. I prefer Night Creeps myself but, this is still a great movie that has a memorable cast and unique story including my faves, the Universal Monsters. I would compare this to The Goonies with more horror elements, but a little different.  Monster Squad isn't perfect but good enough to hold my attention. The number one thing that stands out in this film to me is how great the monsters look, they are almost more well done than the original Universal Monsters themselves, given they've had 70 plus years to perfect the makeup. I'm not going to pick apart a horror-comedy too much because it is what it is and this totally kept me entertained. After this film Dekker went on to make Robocop 3 and then disappeared in embarrassment, can we blame him? No. but get back to what you know, man!

#14 Hellraiser: Deader (2005) 

Did you know they made a 7th Hellraiser movie? Nope! Me either. Did you know it stars Kari Wuhrer, yes that MTV VJ check from Remote Control!!! The story here is: "A journalist uncovers an underground group who can bring back the dead and slowly becomes drawn into their world." The film wasn't all bad but it wasn't much good either. The first drawback was the general feel of the film, it just did not feel like a Hellraiser film. Where's the dingy grime of 80's VHS? Pinhead doesn't show up for quite awhile and the Cinobites have little to nothing to do with this. That being said there were a few gnarly scenes, the highlight being when Amy Klein(Wuhrer) wakes up with a knife stuck through her. She has to maneuver a way to pull the knife out herself and then make her way out into the town with a full knife wound THROUGH her! So great! Another scene in this that confused me but I also enjoyed were the scenes on the train where there seems to be some sort of death rave going on and then everyone turns up dead. Pretty interesting concept but also seems to fall a little flat at the end. I have to admit it did leave me wondering how they pulled that off and didn't get kicked off the train. But I've never been to Romania and don't know how their transit works over there. :) In the final scene there is one of the more gruesome human splatter scenes out of ANY Hellraiser, so it does get a couple points in my book for that. It always bugged me not seeing the folks actually pulled apart by the chains in the culmination of Pinhead's visits in these films. Bravo there! However, as can be expected with the 7th? installment of the film, the ending leaves a bit to be desired. I mean, anyone who has seen a Hellraiser film knows that Pinhead will eventually get shoved back into the puzzlebox but he didn't really put up too much of a fight here and ultimately left me feeling unsatisfied. In my opinion just go back and watch Hellraiser II and II and then maybe Hellbound if you want more. If you wanna see Kari Wuhrer's tatas just open up a PlayBoy from the 90's. PEACE!

#15 Sleepaway Camp(1983)

Weiners, short shorts, awkward pedophiles, righteous killings. Those just about sum up the first Sleepaway Camp movie. Not my first visit to Camp Arawak but some friends have a Bad movie Night at their house a couple of times a year and I wasn't about to miss out on this! We had tons of camp food and everyone wore their pajamas, it was a splendid time. One word of warning, if you watch Sleepaway Camp on an HD TV, it looks like it was filmed with your terrible Nokia cellphone. They didnt take that shit into consideration back in 1983. That's cool! It added some extra elements that made the movie extra funny.
If you arent familiar with this film, the story is about Angela Baker whose family was involved in a a boating accident and therefore is pretty quiet and also afraid of most people. She goes to camp with her cousin and somehow finds a camp completely full of assholes, its amazing, really. Then killings start happening. To be honest, every single person deserves it. It's pretty obvious that everyone dying is in some way pushing Angela to her edge but no one really seems to pit the murders on "her" until the final scene.
Some highlights include Angela's kooky aunt that has to be the worst actress I have seen in a loooong time, her over exaggerated movements and frightening soliloquies prove that she's that kind of person that would send a pre-teen with PTSD to a creepy camp. Othee highlights are the campers themselves, a perfect representation of dumb as teenagers in the 80's and their horrific outfits, one girl's endless camel toe, another dudes "right outta the Village People" attire, i think the bodybuilder of a camp counselor was wearing panty hose, I don't know what the hell was going on in the early 80's. Shit was weird.
Great classic horror flick with one of the all-time greatest WTF endings. If you haven't seen this, watch it and grab the sequels too. They have a handsome box-set that I had years ago, well worth the price!

31MoviesIn31Days: Movies 6-10

31 MOVIES IN 31 DAYS 

Can you believe I seem to have kept up with this? Me either, honestly, but I did. Well as far as you know. This week I continued by getting behind in my list immediately and then rushing to watch as many movies as possible in a 2 day period. Had I not told you that, you would have thought I was actually good at planning my life. Well I'm not but I love movies enough to cram em all in and write stuff.  Just like last time, rather than post a blurb/review for each film I am going to do these in sets of 5 or so. That will give you something lengthy to read each time and allow me the inevitable chore of getting behind.

#6 Terror (1978)

I happened to walk in on this movie already in progress on one of the many horror channels I follow and it didn't seem too far along to catch up so I watched it (and it counts OK! Don't tell me otherwise!!! :)) Well I may have been lost right away but seem to have gotten the gist of it, Mad Dolly was the main haunting force in this "could be mistaken for a Hammer film if you walked in at 10 PM after a couple of beers" starring John Nolan. There are some pretty brutal decapitation scenes. When I say "some" it was actually all the deaths I saw except for the final scene. The final scene was a bitchin', tear apart the mansion, smash every piece of mirror and glass around, witch has got a prophecy and don't get in the witch's way finale. 

One thing that is interesting to me that I am starting to notice more as I watch these films this month is the scores of the films. I used to be a guy that loved ALL horror movie scores, but lately I am finding that some of them are just downright annoying and the higher pitched the synth, the more it is starting to annoy me. Terror is no exception, the Ivor Slaney led score is pretty ear splitting at times and if you company that with smashing glass and some pretty hefty screams you will basically walk away with tinitis from this film. 

Overall, I would recommend the film but it's probably best to catch it for free as I did or maybe on one of those 10 movies for $5 DVDs.

#7 The Haunted House (1921)

Here is another entry into the "that doesn't really count, dude!" department. The Haunted House is actually a Buster Keaton short film from the vaults. I stumbled across a whole trove of Keaton's films and couldn't pass this one up.

In typical Buster Keaton fashion, he immediately finds himself in some sort of dilemma that only that dude could. The film starts off by showing Keaton as a bank teller that happens to some how have a pot of glue next to his teller window, as you can probably guess, the next few scenes that ensue consist of the glue getting all of everything from the money, the floor, his ass, the guy's ass next to him, everything. Then a couple of guys that were scheming to rob the bank show up. This is where I lost the film a little bit. Apparently the bank vault is on a timer lock but in order to open the vault all you have to do is climb the ladder and move the clock hand forward on the clock above the vault. Come on! I realize that I am literally over analyzing the plot lines to a Buster Keaton film but that's just dumb.

The film really hits a high point when Buster runs from the bank robbers and finds himself in The Haunted House which is complete with staircase that folds under while he's at the top of it. I laughed outloud at a lot of the gags. The climax of the film shows Keaton assuming he is getting into heaven and then tumbling all the way back down to hell. Awesome treat and with a run time of about 30 minutes, it was a no brainer!

#8 Children of The Corn (1984)

I am ashamed to say that I had never seen Children of the Corn and of course it's amazing. The wife joined me for this viewing and we fell in love with it immediately. We also both agreed that we thought we had seen it but were probably confusing it with Village of The Damned. The whole story kept me held close right away, and I enjoyed my first viewing of it. Isaac and Malachi are creepy as hell in their own right. We discussed briefly whether Isaac was played by a male of female and quickly learned that it was John Franklin (sorry dude, you kind of look like The Commander from Trekkies) 

The highlight of the movie for me was definately the cafe scene in which those little bastards terrorize all the adults and make sure not to turn away when the old man get his hand shoved in the meat slicer, that was great! Another great scene was the hit and run that is set up by the cult of kids, I am assuming, some great moments going in and out of Vicky's(Linda Hamilton) dream scenes. Linda Hamilton was a total fox in this movie and that's a statement I never thought I would say. Well done, Mr. King I give you kudos, even if I am 31 years late!

#9 C.H.U.D (1984)

I just HAD to relive the glory that is C.H.U.D (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers). This film is an A+ in my book ever since I saw it 10-15 years ago. Full disclosure: when I used to do trivia at bars I used the name "CHUD" and was known as CHUD around the Buffalo Wild Wings in my college town. Not many people are willing to admit to that kind of shit, but I will.

The story of this epic sludge fest is simple John Heard plays a photographer who seems to be obsessed with the lives of these underground homeless people. After noticing a great deal of the sewer people disappearing, George stumbles across a conspiracy theory about sewer monsters eating them. The fight scenes are what make the whole film. Stick around for when the C.H.U.D gets cut because what happens after that is like CHUD bukkake and it. is. glorious!!!! 

By the way, why were so many actors from C.H.U.D cast in Home Alone, did anyone ever notice that? This also leds me too why WEREN'T some more Home Alone actors cast in C.H.U.D. I would have loved to see Buzz devoured by a C.H.U.D. Great movie! I don't know why we aren't all watching it again right now! Go!

#10 The Raiders of Atlantis (1983)

"I predatori di Atlantide" (original title)

What the hell did I just watch? THE RAIDERS OF ATLANTIS is an obvious case of Italian filmakers trying to cash in on some American films that were popular at the time. Directed by Ruggero Deodato(he goes by Roger Franklin in the United States(great choice)) this film samples a little bit from the candy boxes of  RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, THE ROAD WARRIOR, THE WARRIORS and I am sure more.

The story goes like this, scientists discover a  Russian submarine near Miami, Florida (we know because it was announced like five times in 60 seconds), they discover an ancient Atlantean tablet on the bottom of the ocean and have another guy look into what it means. While raising the submarine a nuclear leak seems to somehow make the lost island of Atlantis begin to riase from the bottom of the ocean, as well. There is a massive tidal wave that strands everyone at sea. Along come some Vietnam vets who rescue everyone and take them to a nearby Carribean island where everyone is DEAD. That's when shit gets real. A crazy gang dressed like real assholes and led by Crystal Skull, are apparently descendants of Atlantis' original race who are out to kill everyone except for the female in the group. They need her for some reason, but I don't know if we ever find out why. She is eventually captured and brainwashed and then rescued and Atlantis is sent back to the bottom...where it belongs?!?! Yeah.

The fight scenes here really steal the show, along with some killer sound effects (think the Arnold Schwarzenegger school of acting), one of the Vietnam vets named Muhammad insisted on kissing his seemingly endless supply of molotov cocktails and cracked me up the whole way through. I guess I recommend watching this for the absurdity alone, it was pretty fantastic watching various people die by poisonous dart and one girl got and arrow through the mouth, that was classic. Not a bad Thursday night, if I must say so! Cheers until next week!

Turbo Fruits - "Show Me Something Real" video!

My on again, off again bandmate and former roomate Nick Clark has premeired an amazing psychadelic trip of a video for the Nashville band Turbo Fruits. We here at MoosterBlog love our friends and think you should too so check out Nick's other work at his website and give Turbo Fruits a like on Facebook. They are coming to Chicago October 21 at The Hideout with some other band...

Also check out Nick's 2013 release on Mooster "Nick Minnow Presents: Plant Music (an untested hypothesis)"

Scream Reunion at Spooky Empire

Spooky Empire, one of the largest horror and Halloween fan events in the country, will gather at the Hyatt Regency Orlando, Oct. 30 – Nov. 1, for three days of fan-frenzy interaction with a host of horror movie and TV stars, vendors, artists, and costumed characters at the area’s most franken-tastic event ever to descend onto International Drive.

Among all the festivities taking place, you won’t dare to miss out on guest appearances by Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, and Matthew Lillard. These beloved stars from the 90’s horror film Scream, are set to reunite for a “screaming” weekend dedicated to fans. Neve Campell, most known for films such as Scream, Scream 2, The Craft, and Wild Things. Skeet Ulrich has debuted in Scream, The Craft, and Jericho. Matthew Lillard is well-known for his roles in Scream, Scooby Doo, Hackers, Serial Mom, Wicker Park, Thir13en, and many more movies.
Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, and Matthew Lillard will be available for a Scream Cast Q &A on Sunday afternoon. Autographs and photo opportunities with the stars will be available all weekend. On Thursday, October 29th, there will be a screening of Scream and Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, in tribute to the late Wes Craven. Separate tickets will be available for this event; with proceeds going to “Compassionate Hands & Hearts Breast Cancer Outreach”. For more information on this special night or to purchase tickets, visit www.spookyempire.com.

Make your reservations now as the haunted halls of the Hyatt Regency Orlando are filling fast! For reservations call (407) 284-1234 and mention “Spooky Empire” for the special rate of $119/night.

WHERE:  Hyatt Regency Orlando 9801 International Drive, Orlando, Florida 32819

 http://orlando.regency.hyatt.com/en/hotel/home.html

 WHEN: October 30 – November 1, 2015

                      Friday 5PM – 11PM

                      Saturday 11AM – 8P

                      Sunday 11AM – 4PM

For a complete event schedule and to pre-purchase tickets for the event visit www.spookyempire.com or call (954) 258-7852 to reach the Spooky Empire hotline.

About Spooky Empire
Celebrating its 13th year in business, Spooky Empire is one the most ‘spooktacular’ event promotions companies in the world, producing two monstrous family-friendly horror conventions that draw thousands of fans from around the world to Central Florida twice per year. Spooky Empire’s annual “May-hem” and “Ultimate Halloween Weekends” events not only bring in the top horror film and television stars and hundreds of Halloween-themed vendors, fans can participate in Spooky Empire’s world famous Zombie Walks, peruse through an array of haunted houses, attend its bi-annual film festivals, get tattooed by world-renowned artists and attend countless classes including makeup seminars. Spooky Empire also caters to kids by offering trick ‘r treating, crafts, and costume contests.

For more information, visit www.spookyempire.com. Find us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/spookyempire. Follow us on twitter @spookyempire.

31MoviesIn31Days: Movies 1-5

31 MOVIES IN 31 DAYS

For several years I had been wanting to take the "31 Movies in 31 Days" challenge for October and this year is the year. I kicked it off by getting behind as soon as possible and then went on a 4 movie bender on the 4th day of the month. Now I am back on track and looking to get behind again. So, rather than post a blurb/review for each film I am going to do these in sets of 5 or so. That will give you something lengthy to read each time and allow me the inevitable chore of getting behind.

#1 Phantoms(1998)

Phantoms was a movie I had never heard of starring Rose Macgowan, Ben Affleck and Liev Schrieber. At first glance, this movie looks phoned in at best and I had no doubt in my mind that the acting was the sole reason I had never heard of this film but once it got rolling it was actually pretty entertaining. Macgowan and her Dr. Sister visit a sleepy little vacation town to find everyone either missing or dead and call on the "George and Lennie" duo of Affleck and Schrieber to do some investigating. When it is clear they are both absolutely no use Peter O'toole shows up with a little insight into the situation. 

Overall, a pretty interesting watch just because of some of the gnarly attacks and the final battle scene. Don't go to the bathroom during the attack scene on Schriebers character( probably the most interesting of the entire film). 

#2 Progeny (1998)

My second film(also from 1998? WTH?) is an interesting one. Progeny is about a  a woman who gets impregnated by aliens that keep experimenting on the humans. Produced by the same folks that did Reanimator, I thought we would be in for a similar ride but this film actually kept its story quite close to its heart and made for a well done suspense story rather than using campy gore to its advantage. Heavy on story and low on camp also means there's not much alien sexy time to be seen and surprisingly very few impregnation scenes. It kept my attention but not much more. 

#3 Shock Em' Dead (1991)

Probably one of the greatest campy, gorey, schlock movies I have seen in the last ten years. Starring Traci Lords this film has it all girls, "rock n roll", comedy, spandex, gore, and chest vaginas? 

The story goes off the rails almost immediately when a pimply faced pizza worker named Angel Martinez tries out for the shittiest band of all time and basically gets laughed out of the rehearsal space and kicked out on his ass. This all after he told his boss to fuck off in a hilarious scene. He then gets kicked out of the trailer park he's living in for shredding too hard. All of these hardships lead Angel to make a deal with the devil "to be the greatest rock star of all time"

Angel then wakes up on a sea of tits and cocaine. He starts his new life by looking over his sweet axe collection and then going back to show that shitty band(fronted by some guy wearing a 'Bro(the bra for men)'" who's boss by ripping through some terrible song called "Hairy Cherry", now you're on the right page.

After showing what it's like living a rock star life: you know, pinching girls asses, having them show you their tits, dumpster blowjobs, the usual. We get a glimpse into what Angel is gonna have to do for this new lifestyle. In an epic kitchen scene he whips out his "chest vagina" which apparently needs to be fed souls in order to keep him alive. The killing begins!

The spree starts off with some great revenge killings(the whole pizza place gets it) but then he seems to soon run out of people to kill and turns his sights to Traci Lords, who he's apparently deeply in love with. This culminates in a hilarious fight scene with Lords' boyfriend to win her over. 

I have two takeaways; 1) I'm proud of Traci Lords for not getting naked 2) "I ain't seen this much tuna since the fishing trip I went on last summer" such great lines in this one. 

Greatest B-movie I've seen in a looooong time!

#4 Hell of The Living Dead(1980)

Italian zombie gore at its finest. I originally thought this was a Fulci movie but was dead wrong. The story's a good one, a female reporter and her team go into the New Guinea jungle to research a group of flesh eating zombies that were created by a nuclear chemical spill from a nearby plant. 

The story has an interesting "moral" and it is laced throughout the entire film. That of, if we don't feed the third world countries they will turn into zombies and kill everyone. An interesting take on a real world problem. 

The super excellent soundtrack by Goblin helps you get through some of the slow scenes which are few and far between. There's a lot to keep you busy here. Once the reporter tries to go "undercover" and try to fit in with the cannibals we get some pretty great scenes full of flesh eating, intestines and human sacrifice, with a little full frontal nudity to boot. 

This film only gets better with its culminating scene as the mouthy reporter  is essentially speaking directly to the audience about the worlds faults as she is ripped limb from limb. The greatest ending! Someone email me if they can find this soundtrack anywhere, I've had no luck tracking it down. 

#5 The Spawn of the Slithis(1978)

I had not seen this movie since about 1996 or 97 and had fond memories. It's basically a shout out to the Cold War era nuclear monster flicks from the 50s set in "today"(1978). My wife wrote it off as a ripoff of "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" but I think that was a mistake.(ed. note she merely stated that Slithis looked like the Creature and does not feel it was a ripoff, at all - :))

You know the story but not like this. Nuclear leak causes slime to take on its own properties and morph into a fish-like creature (SLITHIS) to start killing dogs and then people. The first death scene is by far my fave with the old man being forced by he wife to get up and check on "what that commotion was?" and declaring "I DETEST ROBES!". That gave me a good laugh for quite awhile. But also made it easier for me to see him die.

The rest of the movie plays out with the dummies in the town trying to track down what is killing everyone. Led by the high school journalism teach who thinks he is a full on investigative news journalist, the town keeps coming up short. I thought the "flashbacks" in the movie showing some insight into what the journalism teacher was thinking were interesting but overall didnt contribute much to the story, they were probably just put in to pad out the running time anyway.

The downside of this movie is the terrible acting by the police chief. This guy is straight absurd! I dont know what favor the director owed him but to stand out as a BAD actor in the movie, you gotta know he is sooooo terrible. Backed up with a terrible score you would think this movie would be even worse but it actually holds out quite nicely. I really enjoyed the whimsical music of the street bums and winos right before they were attacked. The final scenes on the boat were awesome too with the luck-dumb characters choosing to offer the monster back to the sea where it came from rather than taking it in as a trophy, paving the way for my directorial debut "The Return of Slithis" (I WISH)

Overall this movie is fucking SLITHIS you HAVE to see it if you haven't. Its a cult classic for a reason.

Essential Horror Movies: Matinee Monsters To Cult Classics

Essential Horror Movies: Matinee Monsters to Cult Classics

By Michael Mallory

Universe Publishing / ISBN: 978-0-7893-2942-4 October 2015 / $40.00 US & CAN

Hardcover / 228 pages

300 color & b/w photographs / 9” x 12”

©Essential Horror Movies: Matinee Monsters to Cult Classics by Michael Mallory, Universe Publishing, 2015.

The day this book showed up on our doorstep we were furiously flipping through it. Being the monster-phile that I am I couldn't help but gaze at the amazing and vibrant pics in this huge and beautiful book, Michael Mallory’s ESSENTIALHORROR MOVIES: MATINEE MONSTERS TO CULT CLASSICS.  This terrifyingly illustrated volume of the greatest, scariest, and most influential fright films is sure to be become a coffee table classic. It doesn't take much to get me to open a monster book but plopping Frankenstein, Reagan from THE EXORCIST, The Cryptkeeper, PHANTOM, Chucky and more on the cover is a surefire way to do it! Immediately upon opening the book you are assaulted with a great barrage of colorful horror posters and photos and black and white stills that really set the mood. The closer we get to Halloween, the more relevant it becomes. Part Heritage Horror Auctions poster book and part chronicle this book has all the bases covered.

ESSENTIAL HORROR MOVIES chronicles a century’s worth of cinematic terror: from silent masterpieces like The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920) to Golden Era classics like Dracula (1931) and such richly colored shockers as House of Wax (1953) and groundbreaking independent thrillers, Night of the Living Dead (1968), Mallory goes on to spotlight modern horrors from the devilish trio of Rosemary’s Baby (1968), The Exorcist (1973), The Omen (1976), The Amityville Horror (1979) and The Shining (1980). With Alien (1979), we learned that in space no one can hear you scream and no one wanted to go into the water with Jaws (1975). And, how can we forget the likes of Leatherface, Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Pinhead?

Behind-the-scenes facts, trivia, and photos complete the story of these essential motion pictures. Mallory’s tome is not simply a catalog of horror films; it is a study of where the genre came from, how it has progressed, and what motion pictures have contributed to that evolution, set against a backdrop of cultural history. Anyone who has ever loved to be scared by a truly great masterpiece of terror—or even a film that strives for nothing more than to provide the audience with spooky, campy fun—will find ESSENTIAL HORROR MOVIES a great addition to your collection!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Michael Mallory is an internationally-recognized authority on film history and animation.  He has written six non-fiction books on popular culture subjects, as well as some 600 magazine and newspaper articles. His books include Hanna-Barbera Cartoons, Universal Studios Monsters: A Legacy of Horror, and X-Men: The Characters and Their Universe, and he has contributed to other volumes including Animation Art, The 100 Greatest Looney Tunes Cartoons, and the Walt’s People series and co-authored the memoirs of animation legend Iwao Takamoto.  Mallory has been interviewed by many news outlets, including E! Entertainment Television, BBC Radio, CBC Radio, The New York Times, TV Guide, and USA Today.

     PUBLICATION DATE: October 2015

 more info at: WWW.RIZZOLIUSA.COM